Our bravest contributors have shared with us some of their more earnest efforts from the misty past. Scary Bush should not be reviewed while in the process of drinking liquids, and the reader assumes all risk.
My Favorite Place
Kelsey Allagood
Untitled
Shenandoah Sowash
Drug Kin Eye
Mitchell Bergeron
I want to get so high that I forget my
name. I want to
get so drunk that the word
intoxicated falls out of my
mouth as inaugurated. I want to get so stoned that I can't even spell the word weed. I want to get so inebriated that I'm able to easily throw up in the bus trash can without caring much for the other passengers.
I want to get so drunk my blood-alcohol level is 100%, so people can drink my blood and get drunk. I want to be
so high that my mind feels like a ballpark and every single hit is a
homerun. I want to be so high that I can stare at the ceiling for hours on end without realizing it isn't a beautiful
girl.
I want to get so faded that I can cut up a bars of soap and convince people to drop them like acid.
I want to be so stoned that Elmo is Barney, and Barney is Frank Lloyd Wright, and
Frank Lloyd Wright is high.
I want to be so profound that I don't have to be so high or drunk to get a crowd. I want to be such a rebel that I become the cover-boy for conformity.
I want to be so attractive that I can cause orgasms
just by looking at someone directly in their danger zone. I want to be so strong that I can confront my own demons on a daily basis. I want to be
so organ-
ized that I can compartmentalize my pain.
I want to be so farfetched that I can turn water into wine. I want to be so far away I don't have to look anyone in their eyes anymore.
I want to get so high that I eat ice cream the same way I'd perform Cunnilingus.
I want to get so high that Clint Eastwood, Lee Van Cleef and Eli Wallach are having a Mexican Stand-off in my bed. I want to be so philosophical that I can compare the appendix to the soul and suggest that when one's appendix ruptures their soul needs to be removed.
I want to get so high that feelings like emptiness and sorrow are relatives I only have to see
for holidays and funerals.
I want to get so drunk that getting laid just means lowering my standards.
I want to be so high that problems like
poverty and hunger are treated the same way as heartburn and indigestion,
with a pill. I want to get so high that rubbing somebody else's Chap Stick on my genitals is somehow
socially acceptable.
I want to get so drunk and high that I start making sense.
i bleed stardust
Jade Hurter
The Plethora 33
J.I. Kleinberg
