Jeff Hecker

Instructions for the First to the Orgy

Delouse the loving space.

Use the chemical permethrin.

Try the plate of raw tuna.

Don't play with the dimmer switch.

Arrange mattresses in the global position

of volcanic islands

of the archipelago

of the Azores.

Warning: Corvo and Flores are RESERVED.

Change into the golden calf latex costume

behind the Pier 1 Bayeux Tapestry replica.

Move the Norman Conquest of England.

Moo it.

See the Radio Flyer Girls Big Flyer

pink tricycle parts beside the adult cars?

Assembly required.

Pedal past the motion sensor. If you're too obese,

push it. O, Canada

geese think my yard is

Mecca. Feed the beaks.

No bird seed, huh? They accept trash.

See the R.H. Mayland handbell?

Feel the clapper's felt pad.

Gentle bossa nova triggers the garage door,

burglar reverse-psychology.

You'll never get in that way, trust me.

Give the handbell hell as if you're on fire.

Cry "I'm on Fiyah!"

Blow the golden calf grazing behind you.

Separating spouses Reed and Pam

just walked in with a line of braided

Wiccan women who I think might all be

related. They brought their own maypole

to grind on, Whitsun wedding style.

Reed and the Devil are not linked

to my invite list, even if I'm inked on theirs.

Reed proposed to Pam in a Romancing

the Stone matinee if that tells you anything.

Tell Reed he must be going for the easy orgy.

I want the hard orgy. Reed must be going.

Actually, lock him in the woodshed.

Pam can stay.