re: Ice in April
The roads this morning were treacherous / with ice and I don’t want / to write this The metaphors are obvious I’m / cold I’m on / thin ice I’m risking my / health my life / for this job / It is April 5 and the roads are covered / in ice Twice I lost control of the car When I pulled into the school / driveway I sobbed and sobbed I wished more than once I / had / crashed Then I’d be / excused First period had already begun and / K and T had been burying their noses in their phones had been ignoring their work had been / shitting on me / for days I cried / more in the bathroom I / had to go back into / that room no space / between their drama and the ice that melted miles before I arrived at school / making me into a liar a fraud / When I was in high school my friends talked about me / in the locker room made lists / of dudes I fucked but I was / a virgin I sucked boys off but those boys were smart and didn’t / tell Still / somehow / those girls knew / about me Back then there were no cell phones no / texts no / high-speed dramas that sucked us away from / here and now Now / I have nothing but / here and now / the walls surrounding me the numbing ice
re: Car Speakers
Pitty, pitty, pitty pat
Why you always doing that?
Why you always talking smack?
- Grimes and Janelle Monáe, “Venus Fly”
Skip skip play Why you looking at me Why / you / looking at me / now / Louder and more / all the drive home / Repeat And no one / looks at me / Repeat / No one looks at me in first / period either Usually they look at me / in advisory but today / C talked about a creepy customer she had to help at Journeys and how she buzed H over and over and over to come up and get the guy to go away How / important / as a girl to have a boy who knows and will bounce assholes When I waited tables there was one / man who touched me a lot / on the waist / Repeat / the arm again his arm around my waist I / refused to wait on him Well / I refused after my manger suggested that guy was a creep and why not / just avoid him Let / my manager wait the table when fuckhead came / in I tried to tell this story to C and H to explain / how to protect yourself as a woman in a public space / to tell H about his responsibilities as a man who understands But they didn't see me / Repeat / after I listened to their story In first period / it's mean girls / talking when I ask them not to / talking when I sit on their table / my ass inches from their talking / talking / talking mouths and faces / Why you always talking / smack No one looks at me / Repeat / Driving home I say it Drivers can't hear me don't see me Fuck you stay / in your lane / Repeat / And bitch if you are in my room / I will call your shit out to / your face Your faces / in my room turned from me I am not invisible / I am body filled with / feelings history of touch / I pound on the / feelings with bass from blown car speakers Why you looking at Repeat me / the mean girls ask Mind your business / they say Sweet girls haven't you realized You / are / my business
re: Big Dick
I am fuzzy with rye and heating pad Yesterday Ms. Jay / walked into a chair or a desk and she swore in pain / Shit / Dick / Fuck And / just / so many dick jokes to be made But I went with / You know I could really use some / dick right about now When I bought / another bottle of rye at the state store tonight I thought of Claire / who I worked with at Tara Mandala She was / broke and we went to Whole Foods / She bought a giant bar of Kiss my Face / Big soap for the money / she said holding up the bar / to her face I grab the big bottle of Bulleit from the shelf / Big rye for the money Our / welcome back speech from the CEO last August was a / long long speech about baseball and / I couldn't listen anymore because idgaf about baseball / but it ended with / 17 inches / 17 inches is our motto this year Apparently / that's the size of home plate and something something / we / don't change the size of home plate whatever It was a bad / analogy and I couldn't follow beyond / the eight-minute anecdote about a ball player from decades ago But / boy howdy how many times did she say / 17 inches 17 inches / We at Frontier are committed to 17 / inches / It's hard but we persevere A long hard year / A nice big dick for the money